All 32 NFL teams are aiming to get talented young players to upgrade their rosters. But what if instead of drafting collegiate players, they drafted Star Wars characters? I’ve enjoyed reading the Star Wars drafts NFL writer Adam Rank over the last couple years and with a whole new movie out, this draft is even more stacked. Below is my mock draft of Rank’s selections.
1. Los Angeles Rams- Anakin Skywalker
The Rams moved to Los Angeles and followed it up by selling the farm to get the top pick of the draft. Anakin Skywalker is the best athlete and has the highest ceiling, if he controls his anger.
2. Philadelphia Eagles- Rey
Like the Rams, the Eagles made a massive trade up the draft board and select the new face of their franchise. Philly goes with Rey, the protagonist of the Force Awakens, who brings potential and grit as the starting quarterback.
3. San Diego Chargers- Emperor Palpatine
The Chargers make an electrifying pick with Emperor Palpatine, also known as the evil Darth Sidious. For an old guy, he can jump and run with the best of them, so safety is a strong fit in Eric Weddle’s absence.
4. Dallas Cowboys- Luke Skywalker
Dallas is aiming for a Super Bowl, but they can’t pass up the chance for a quarterback of the future and select Luke Skywalker. When Tony Romo r
etires, Luke will be the new hope.
5. Chicago Bears (Proposed trade with Jacksonville)- Chewbacca
Jacksonville and Chicago make a draft-day switch, allowing the Bears to choose Chewbacca, a literal beast. Chewie fills a need on offense and defense and will unleash his fury on the NFC North.
6. Baltimore Ravens- Mace Windu
Mace Windu fits the Raven model. He is athletic, brilliant, and seems like an Alabama-Ozzie Newsome type player. Windu becomes the leader of the Ravens defense as Baltimore builds another shutdown defense. His light saber color, purple, even fits.
7. San Francisco 49ers- Han Solo
and the Niners take a risk on smuggler Han Solo, who slots in as the starting quarterback. Solo has deadly accuracy and range, so San Francisco could strike gold.
8. Cleveland Browns- Kylo Ren
Even after trading down, the Browns get their guy. Kylo Ren, the newest villain in the Star Wars universe, combines power with ruthlessness and calls the shots for the First Order. Hopefully for Cleveland, that anger won’t get the best of Ren.
9. Tampa Bay Buccaneers- Darth Maul
Think about it- Darth Maul would look incredible in a Buccaneer uniform. Maul would form an amazing trio with linebacker Lavonte David
and defensive tackle Gerald McCoy, ideally settling in as an outside linebacker and pass rusher.
10. New York Giants- Yoda
Ironically, the Giants choose the smallest character in the whole saga. The selection causes confusion, but imagine Yoda as New York Giants running back, juking and hurdling defenders. Don’t doubt Yoda.
11. Jacksonville Jaguars (Proposed trade with Chicago)- Kit Fisto
The Jaguars add the aquatic Jedi, who would work well at any skill position. Fisto would work well as a wide receiver and corner and could go to the pool at Everbank Field during timeouts.
12. New Orleans Saints- Finn
The Saints pick up the underrated Finn, another hero from The Force Awakens. Drew Brees is the quarterback for the next couple years and Finn could be Brees top target after the departures of Marques Colston and Jimmy Graham.
13. Miami Dolphins- Princess Leia
Ryan Tannehill receives some competition for the starting quarterback spot from Leia Organa. She shines in crisis, staring down Darth Vader in the original movie and leading the Rebel Alliance.
14. Oakland Raiders- General Grievous
General Grievous on the Raiders is too good to be true. Put Grievous on the offensive line and he can block four guys at once, while new addition Kelechi Osemele gets any others. Grievous’ speed makes him a dangerous pass rusher opposite Khalil Mack and an immediate Defensive Player of the Year candidate.
15. Tennessee Titans- Obi-Wan Kenobi
How did Kenobi fall to the Titans? Nobody knows, but the Titans take advantage and add the wise Jedi to mentor quarterback Marcus Mariota. Kenobi could be amazing as a receiver, too.
16. Detroit Lions- Count Dooku
Without Ndamukong Suh, the Lions looked mortal on defense. With Dooku at middle linebacker, they regain elite status and are a defense that nobody wants to face.
17. Atlanta Falcons- Boba Fett
Boba Fett has incredible sideline to sideline range and an otherworldly vertical and putting him in the Atlanta secondary is like a second coming of Deion Sanders.
18. Indianapolis Colts- Jango Fett
Fett has a lot in his arsenal and is an all-around talent for the depleted Colts’ defense, excelling at linebacker and defensive back.
19. Buffalo Bills- Lando Calrissian
Tyrod Taylor isn’t the answer, so the Bills add the charmer from Cloud City to lead the offense.
20. New York Jets- Poe Dameron
The Jets find their pilot in Poe Dameron, the best flyer in the Resistance. Dameron is reliable and is clutch in the big moments, two characteristics that the Jets need.
21. Houston Texans- Ezra Bridger
Houston adds an insurance policy behind Brock Osweiler, choosing the young hero of the animated Rebels series. For now, Bridger figures as the number 2 receiver across from DeAndre Hopkins.
22. Washington Redskins- Jar Jar Binks
Binks is always at the right place at the right time. He showed incredible instincts and agility in the Phantom Menace and seems like a Washington Redskins player.
23. Cincinnati Bengals- Kanan Jarrus
Ezra Bridger’s mentor, Jedi Kanan Jarrus, is an under the radar pick who works in at receiver and defensive back for the Bengals. With Jarrus, Giovani Bernard, Tyler Eifert, A.J. Green, and Jeremy Hill, the Cincinnati offense is nasty.
24. Minnesota Vikings- The Inquisitor
The Vikings need a household name to lead their defense and with all of the big names off the board, they select the fearsome Inquisitor from the Rebels series. The Inquisitor doesn’t take no for an answer and strikes fear into opponents.
25. Kansas City Chiefs- Admiral Ackbar
Kansas City chooses a new field general, Admiral Ackbar, a hero for the Rebel Alliance and a valiant warrior during the Clone Wars. The Chiefs hope it isn’t a trap.
26. Pittsburgh Steelers- Captain Phasma
27. Green Bay Packers- Bossk
Bossk is more than just another player on the Packers’ defensive line- he is an unblockable, massive, and ruthless beast.
28. Seattle Seahawks- Asajj Ventress
As fans of the Clone Wars series know, Sith Asajj Ventress has the moves and competes with the best of the best. That makes her a fit with the stingy Seahawks defense.
29. Arizona Cardinals- Tasu Leech
The selection of Tasu Leech may seem surprising, but the leader of the Kanjiklub is an incredible fighter and the unquestioned leader of one of the galaxy’s most feared gangs. Pass rusher could be a natural fit for Leech.
30. Carolina Panthers- Qui-Gon Jinn
Somehow, someway, the Panthers add one of the best Jedi of his generation, Qui-Gon Jinn. Jinn is versatile and will mentor quarterback and reigning MVP Cam Newton, who seems strong with the Force.
31. Denver Broncos- Ahsoka Tano
Denver gets their franchise quarterback with Anakin Skywalker’s apprentice. Tano would match perfectly in a Bronco uniform, though her horns might be a problem.
32. New England Patriots (vacated)- Sebulba
Somehow, the Patriots regain their lost draft pick.
-Kid Reporter John